It was a humid May 30th, 2004, when I was born in Ilagan City. My arrival, however, was met with a scolding for my father. He had been sent to buy medicine for my mother’s labor, but his hunger got the better of him. He stopped for a quick bite at a local hotdog stand, unaware that my mother’s labor was about to begin. It was a close call for me, a near miss thanks to those delicious franks.
After a few months, we moved to Pangasinan. My parents decided it was the best place for me to grow up. At four years old, I started school, but I was a crying mess whenever other children spoke to me. I couldn’t understand why I was so afraid. However, by the time I entered first grade, the crying stopped, and I became a notorious troublemaker. My bad behavior extended to my parents, whom I would constantly argue with. My father, however, was determined to steer me away from a life of mischief. He had a unique way of disciplining me: for every curse word, he would pinch my cheeks until they bled, and if I dared to fight back, he would grab his belt and beat me until I could barely stand. It was a harsh, traumatic experience, but it did have a positive impact. The fear of the belt and the pain of my bleeding cheeks instilled a sense of discipline in me.
When I was in third grade, my mother brought me to Isabela, leaving my father behind in Pangasinan due to family problems. Feeling free and unburdened by my father’s presence, my mischievous side resurfaced. One of my most unforgettable acts of delinquency occurred during my elementary years. I deliberately put feces in my cousin’s friend’s food. The child cried uncontrollably and told his mother, who promptly scolded me. But I was not one to back down. That night, I waited for the child in the darkness and punched him in the eye. The blow caused him to bleed, and my aunt, who had paid for his medical treatment, was furious. It was then that I learned about our dire financial situation. My mother had brought us to Isabela because we were broke, and my childish actions had only added to our financial burden.
My mother left me with my aunt and went abroad to work. During high school, I became a quiet, brooding individual. When I was bullied, I would retaliate with even greater force. I was known as “arsagid,” an Ilocano term for a troublemaker. My classmates often picked on me, leading to frequent fistfights and visits to the guidance office. However, I realized that my constant brawls were causing my mother distress and potentially affecting her work. So, I started to let the bullies have their way.
Then, I fell in love with a girl. She was bisexual, and I was unaware that she was already seeing someone else. Despite my feelings, I showered her with drawings and occasional treats. Eventually, she reciprocated my feelings, and we started dating. But my inexperience and the fact that it was my first relationship led to our breakup after only a week. It seemed like every time I failed or made a mistake, I was forced to change myself. Perhaps that was my superpower: the ability to transform in the face of adversity.
The COVID-19 pandemic was a turning point in my life. My skills in guitar, drawing, animation, and piano became my saving grace. My passion for these arts led me to meet many people who shared my interests. We would jam together daily, and they would often ask for my guidance. Eventually, they surpassed me in skill, and they no longer sought my help. It was a harsh reality check. I realized that, just like my parents, people can leave your life.
When I started college, I found two close friends, and their number has only grown since then. They are the closest thing I have to a family, and they have made me feel loved and supported. One of them was even my crush, but I never confessed my feelings because I didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship. They are my constant companions, always there to help me. They have changed my life for the better, and I will never forget them.
This is my story. If I were to give it a title, it would be “Ugali.” It’s a testament to my journey of self-discovery and the people who have shaped me along the way.